Officially Medically Cleared, 34 days until Ghana, 29 until Commencement... reality hits.
I am really doing all that I thought. I submitted my service learning hours, just the basic ones even though when I went through my service at FGCU I had well over 400- but I didn't have the time to drive over to every supervisor just to get them signed especially since my car isn't working. Haha this time my tire blew and unfortunately with Ghana to pay for and visa applications, vaccinations and malaria pills also clothes to pay for items for my car are the least of my worries.
It's all so real and it gets really scary. The start of something new, the idea of figuring out where I'm going in my life. I have all the emotions inside of me, ones that I've just started to even acknowledge, let alone try to understand them. I'm nervous about graduating. What if my GPA is too low? Over a 3.0 means you're "above average" but I've always thought of myself as an Exceeds Expectations kind of person. I've always been a "goody-two shoes" and have enjoyed my naivete in many of my paths throughout college, but am learning what it means to be "put together". Just because you're a mess on the inside doesn't mean you need to show it. I used to be good at that, but with all this pressure from family, friends, professors, mentors, advisers, Student Government, Housing (Resident Assistant stuff), boys, jobs, really just life in general, I'm more anxious than ever.
I'm anxious to leave for Ghana, but in an great way. To make a difference in the months that I'm there, to experience life in a completely different culture than I've ever experienced. I'm anxious about all this work I still have to do for my classes, it's extensive: a grant proposal, two research papers, two final exams, two presentations and a service project that I have no clue how I'm going to finish in time, 20 credits my senior semester wasn't my smartest move. I'm anxious to graduate, more so because it means I did it in four years and have a hell of a resume to show for it. I'm anxious to wonder if my dad is proud of me. I'm anxious to think about all the things I've been through in these past four years, what a way to live life. I'm anxious about where I'll be in 5 months. Will I be leaving for Africa again? Or will I be in D.C living with my best friend, figuring out what I can do to make a difference in the HIV/AIDS community there. I'm just a bit anxious about that.
I have been so privileged over my last four years. To have finally met my mother, to have met my two best friends that will be by my side until the day I die, to have met the most wonderful little sister I could've ever dreamed of, to have seen love, to have seen life, to have seen hard work and perseverance make a difference, I have been so honored to have served the students of my university, gosh I just can't explain it. I have lived my life in such a crazy pace, from my very first breath I never stopped going. I am blessed by God to know that I have been given and searched for the resources to make my dreams a reality.
This Peace Corps process, though daunting has been such an experience in itself. Learning patience, perseverance etc. I have learned more about who I am, and have pushed myself to be better. I still make mistakes but I acknowledge them and recognize when I am acting as a bad person would. But then again there are no bad people, just mistakes and insanity.
I am so proud to be a member of the Peace Corps Family and can not wait until I hear from my placement officer!! It will be an amazing experience to discuss all the things I might have the ability to do while I'm serving.
So privileged. So honored. So Anxious.
have a great month of April everyone :)
