November 15th... and I'm about ready to scream at the people at the clinic I'm so fed up.
So unfortunately this session is solely to vent about the ludacrisness of this medical and dental exams. I have to pay to get a pap smear and blood tests and all of these ridiculous things that are expensive and even though I have two jobs... I just can't deal with all of the medical expense, plus having to deal with bills, my car breaking down, my school life in an uproar, I'm tired of the ridiculousness just so tired. Plus I haven't even started the dental work because I know how expensive it's going to be for me, last time I checked about $2500. I'm just frustrated like crazy. There are so many things and I just don't have time to do it. I'm taking 16 credits, two jobs, my sorority, Student Government, The Ladybug Project (Internship in Ghana preparations), fund raising for Belize... and all of this is on a week to bi-weekly basis.
Who has time to sit in a medical office where the people have no idea what they're talking about? Every time I say that's not what the medical paper says they HAVE to say the opposite of what I'm telling them. I am so frustrated with my medical clinic because they are just a waste of time with this. It'd be cheaper and less ridiculous if I went to a free clinic 30 minutes away because perhaps then they'd be able to this with a real doctor and have a real stamp of approval. I'm just so frustrated and so tired of people being ignorant.
I am at my wits end with trying to figure it out with everything but I'm hoping to have it submitted by December. Being patient is harder than ever. Even though by then it will have been three months, there are just so many things coming at me that it's genuinely hard to take all this time out of my day. Plus the expenses. I'm just... over it all. But I want this so bad so I'm willing to work with it and get over the ridiculousness.
I am really interested in seeing how the holidays work this semester because it will be just as if I was in the Peace Corps. I won't be going to be with my family for Thanksgiving or Christmas, I won't be with friends... just working. It's interesting for sure how all of this in life will work out. With so many things to pay for, so many things to attend, so many things to do, sometimes I just want to leave these responsibilities and gain some that matter for other people. All I am doing now is things for myself, to get myself into the Peace Corps, to maintain my own sanity, to get all my classes done, so I can get myself to graduation, make sure I collect all my papers for service learning that I never submitted, fix my car, find money so I can go to Belize and Ghana... I'm just so selfish with my time and my life that I'm almost missing out on everything that's here, slowly distancing myself from some so that I won't miss them as much.
I am ready to leave but scared for the responsibilities. I feel as if my responsibilities here are nothing compared to the ones that I'll have in Africa. Though I think having different types of responsibilities will keep everything in perspective.
Well... thanks for letting me vent!!
