So... after all that trouble my adventure continues with the tenacity I brought to drive and have my interview the next week after I turned everything in. I was determined to have it in July, I needed them to understand how willing I was to do anything to make this come true.
I had my interview Tuesday July 26th.
I drove 3 hours to Palm Beach Gardens from Fort Myers just so I could make sure this happened. I've never given up so much for one event: I've done it for jobs and for positions in Student Government but for one event... not so much. I've never wanted something so much. I'm willing to do what ever it takes. Peace Corps makes sense. It's rare that I even say that.
I've felt so lost lately. Nothing makes sense. Being a lawyer seems to power hungry and not me at all. Social worker doesn't create the idea that I'm reaching my potential. Sex education and consultants feels wrong and more like work instead of something I could wake up every morning and be happy to be a part of. I'm just... so confused. I hate that I can't find my path. I've been reading the Alchemist lately and I feel so connected to the character. Perhaps looking something that's right in front of me and maybe I know what it is but maybe I don't want to admit that it's my calling. I hate that. I hate the double standard that I create for myself. Why do I consistently do this?
Oh but such is life. One must keep moving forward and recognize that things will be all right if one is to think positive. But onto my adventure of the Peace Corps interview.
So of course there are your basic questions they ask... why, how, why you? I felt so lost for a bit. As if I haven't done enough to stand out and make myself seem like a productive part of society. I've given back and done a lot but it doesn't mean that my resume and presentation of self compares to the mind blowing works of some of the other students that have applied. I just... I don't know what to do anymore. He told me that September is when he can really provide me with any information. So that was the gist of the interview, nothing too crazy. I love how PCVers always gush about their time away. That's what makes everything worth it. All this crazyness I'm going through to be a part of the Peace Corps is worth every word that comes out of the previous PCV'ers. AHHHHHH!!!
I've done all the research but it doesn't mean that it will make this go any faster. I want this. I can feel this. I can taste everything that it could bring. But it doesn't mean it'll happen. I've given so much to other things in my life but I've been hindered by someone I used to be and by what others have labeled me as. That's life and I get that, but it doesn't mean that I haven't worked hard enough to be a part of the program but because of the drama of girls and government I'm unable to receive the position.
Ugh. I'm so upset about it and I don't even want to admit it, and it's created this self doubt worse than ever before. The idea of failure haunts me with every second I stay at my school. Every minute I make a mistake or tell a white lie or am not true to myself, I create this shadow that provides my mind with every negative thought I can possibly conceive.
The Peace Corps is so important to me because it's not running away from something it's running towards something. A life that means something, that makes me feel like I've done something in my life, because I think that I can make the difference and be a part of the generation that creates a positive image of America. Gosh there are so many reasons that I want to be a part of the Peace Corps. I think this is what makes or breaks a person and this is where I can reveal my personal legend. I have a passion of making a difference but am so scared of my destiny, where it leads to.
Have you ever felt alone in a room full of people? Have you ever felt that you aren't doing enough though you don't even have time to sleep a full night? Do you feel guilty that you've had a couple days off or when you've lied to have a night/day off of an event or meeting. Every time I do but I remember that I'm still in college and that this is the place to make mistakes and change the kinks in who I am. I love myself and what I want out of life, but where my life leads is so out of place for me. When I think about the Peace Corps I am confident in that direction because it makes sense to me. Americorps and TFA only appeal in my skills not necessarily to me as a person.
Oh Peace Corps. Why do you tempt me so?
I just want to go.
But will I ever?
Friday, July 29, 2011
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
When it rains, just go dance
July 15: So good news!! I received the finger print cards and the agency check form. I didn't receive them until after work so I just filled out the agency check form first.
July 18th: I had such a busy day. Internship from 8 am but I left early to get everything done. So by 2 pm I was at the fingerprinting place at my University. Cost me $5 but that's not too bad I guess. Then I rushed over to the post office since it was before 3 pm and requested an overnight package for them. $14 later it's sent off and my shoulders are a little lighter today. I walk into work with a smile on my face :)
July 19th: I get an e-mail (on my phone) saying my toolkit has been updated!! UH OH!! :) but since my computer still has a deadly virus I haven't been able to check anything on the internet.
July 20: Wake up early for my internship, sort of forgetting about everything... then BAM! STEVE CALLS! I'm scheduled for an interview 11 am at Panera in West Palm BEach........ NEXT TUESDAY!!!!!!!! AHHHHH!! I'm so excited. I'm going crazy right now. My friend said she won't hear back until September and she interviewed about two weeks ago so I can hopefully assume that will happen to me the earlier I interview! (Which is why I rushed it so much) I'm going crazy but I'm on such a high not even the mean Chair lady at my internship can get me down today <3 Today will be such a great day :)
July 18th: I had such a busy day. Internship from 8 am but I left early to get everything done. So by 2 pm I was at the fingerprinting place at my University. Cost me $5 but that's not too bad I guess. Then I rushed over to the post office since it was before 3 pm and requested an overnight package for them. $14 later it's sent off and my shoulders are a little lighter today. I walk into work with a smile on my face :)
July 19th: I get an e-mail (on my phone) saying my toolkit has been updated!! UH OH!! :) but since my computer still has a deadly virus I haven't been able to check anything on the internet.
July 20: Wake up early for my internship, sort of forgetting about everything... then BAM! STEVE CALLS! I'm scheduled for an interview 11 am at Panera in West Palm BEach........ NEXT TUESDAY!!!!!!!! AHHHHH!! I'm so excited. I'm going crazy right now. My friend said she won't hear back until September and she interviewed about two weeks ago so I can hopefully assume that will happen to me the earlier I interview! (Which is why I rushed it so much) I'm going crazy but I'm on such a high not even the mean Chair lady at my internship can get me down today <3 Today will be such a great day :)
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
July 13th 2.0
So July 13th 2.0 started a whole new adventure with my peace corps process... Steve finally e-mailed and called me back but honestly wasn't too much help in calming my nerves. I'm afraid that if I don't get my fingerprint stuff done in time I'll never be able to continue the application process.
I lost my keys and still haven't found them so I had to get my sorority little to take me to my internship that's 20 minutes away =/ Then I have work later so I haven't really been able to just sit down. Plus the Chair came in for a visit and was disappointed in my priorities with the Interim Director instead of the front office manager. There's only so much I can do people! I'm just frustrated. I have so many things to do and just not enough time to do them. Plus there's family stuff and I just... I wish I could be there for my dad. I miss my siblings but I think all of this estrangement will get me ready for the Peace Corps. I never realized how independent and introverted I am sometimes. I guess it's true that I don't give myself enough credit sometimes.
But I wasn't actually able to submit any of the documents mainly because I've just been so busy with everything (internships/jobs/homework) I never got the time to submit anything but my transcripts which are important so at least that's out of the way. Today's just been stressful. Too many things going on in my mind. It's hard to keep up sometimes.
But HARRY POTTER COMES OUT TOMORROW SOOO EXCITED <3 ahhhhhh
I lost my keys and still haven't found them so I had to get my sorority little to take me to my internship that's 20 minutes away =/ Then I have work later so I haven't really been able to just sit down. Plus the Chair came in for a visit and was disappointed in my priorities with the Interim Director instead of the front office manager. There's only so much I can do people! I'm just frustrated. I have so many things to do and just not enough time to do them. Plus there's family stuff and I just... I wish I could be there for my dad. I miss my siblings but I think all of this estrangement will get me ready for the Peace Corps. I never realized how independent and introverted I am sometimes. I guess it's true that I don't give myself enough credit sometimes.
But I wasn't actually able to submit any of the documents mainly because I've just been so busy with everything (internships/jobs/homework) I never got the time to submit anything but my transcripts which are important so at least that's out of the way. Today's just been stressful. Too many things going on in my mind. It's hard to keep up sometimes.
But HARRY POTTER COMES OUT TOMORROW SOOO EXCITED <3 ahhhhhh
Starting out...
So I'm a little behind on the blogging process but I'm starting now so that's all that matters.
May:
May 9: E-mail the "E-mail Your Recruiter" and ask about loan deferments for students applying with lots of student loans.
May 13: Get a reply from the office in Atlanta expressing that, "Each loan agency has different policies for loan deferment and different documents that must be completed. You will need to contact your particular loan agencies to find out the exact documents you must fill out." Okay that doesn't do me too much good considering that even though FAFSA has a loan deferment Peace Corps Application, who knows if I'll get it seeing as I have a lot of student loans.
May (general): Search through the Masters International research and grad school programs. There a lot I'd love to try but I'm nervous. I'm not sure I'm ready for Grad School just yet, plus I'd love to do something with health education but I'm only a Psychology Major (Political Science Minor/IDS Minor) I'm hoping my Psych major can help with anything I want to do health related since at least it's mental health.
Still trying to figure out if I'm 100% a go for the Peace Corps right after college (if I'm accepted). I want to apply. It's always been my dream to be a part of something like this, but I'm scared. I've dealt with a lot of rejection lately, can I go through it again? What if they say I'm not good enough. What if even after I "beef up" my resume they still say it's not enough. There's only so much I can do in a year to show the Peace Corps that this is what I want.
June:
Early June: Started my application just to look it over. It's not too bad, but it's a lot of remembering of things I've done in the past which I'll admit sometimes I'm not too good at. Hopefully my resume is all right, I've done a lot of community service work but no international service yet. Luckily I applied for a volunteer program in Belize and was accepted. But it's going to cost me about $1500 and then a $1000 plane ticket though. It's all worth it. I want this so bad. It's going to help me get prepared for the Peace Corps! When I was accepted to that program back in May I knew this is what I wanted to do so I just started the application full force. Too bad two jobs, an internship, and classes got in the way. Oh summer life.
June 24: I turned in my actual Peace Corps application as well as submitted my Health form. So many questions, some I felt almost unsure but easy enough.
I'm so nervous, everything is just so... surreal. I've always wanted to be a part of a program such as the Peace Corps. Especially after I went on my Alternative Break this past December. It showed me where my true passion lies, in helping people. It's an experience I can't explain to you. Not completely altruistic, I do it because it does make me feel happy but still I think of all the people I have been able to help and can't help but smile. All the work and time put into each and every one of my projects have all been worth it and made the application process of the Peace Corps that much better. I'm so thankful the U.S.A has programs like this. THANK YOU JFK <3
July:
July 3: Getting a little nervous because my papers haven't been sent to my dad's ex wifes house. They should be here now at least with something.
July 8: Find out that my dads ex wife threw out ALL my paper work including the finger print cards and National Agency Check form. No bueno. Rush to call my Peace Corps contact in Atlanta to figure out how to log onto my tool kit and figure out what I can do to get my forms sent to me.
July 12th: Fix my e-mail to find that my recruiter, Steve Hunsicker, e-mailed me almost a week ago explaining all the files that I need to mail to him by July 15th before 5 pm or else I won't be able to go through with my application process. Also find out that my current employer/supervisor recommendation form didn't go through properly because on my application I submitted it as the General Manager and the supervisor that wrote my recommendation was a separate manager. Still trying to figure out how to change that on my application. I wish I had time to just sort out all of this stuff in person but nothing seems to be on my side today.
July 13th: Get my official FGCU transcripts sent to the Palm Beach Office so that they are aware that I'm not giving up that easy. E-mail Steve (again) submitting my Reference Label Sheet, Financial Notarized Letter, Financial Obligations essay, both skill addedums, unofficial trascript for now and my most recent updated resume. I will get everything I can submitted, I called Steve but the office doesn't seem to want to pick up my phone call, not cool.
May:
May 9: E-mail the "E-mail Your Recruiter" and ask about loan deferments for students applying with lots of student loans.
May 13: Get a reply from the office in Atlanta expressing that, "Each loan agency has different policies for loan deferment and different documents that must be completed. You will need to contact your particular loan agencies to find out the exact documents you must fill out." Okay that doesn't do me too much good considering that even though FAFSA has a loan deferment Peace Corps Application, who knows if I'll get it seeing as I have a lot of student loans.
May (general): Search through the Masters International research and grad school programs. There a lot I'd love to try but I'm nervous. I'm not sure I'm ready for Grad School just yet, plus I'd love to do something with health education but I'm only a Psychology Major (Political Science Minor/IDS Minor) I'm hoping my Psych major can help with anything I want to do health related since at least it's mental health.
Still trying to figure out if I'm 100% a go for the Peace Corps right after college (if I'm accepted). I want to apply. It's always been my dream to be a part of something like this, but I'm scared. I've dealt with a lot of rejection lately, can I go through it again? What if they say I'm not good enough. What if even after I "beef up" my resume they still say it's not enough. There's only so much I can do in a year to show the Peace Corps that this is what I want.
June:
Early June: Started my application just to look it over. It's not too bad, but it's a lot of remembering of things I've done in the past which I'll admit sometimes I'm not too good at. Hopefully my resume is all right, I've done a lot of community service work but no international service yet. Luckily I applied for a volunteer program in Belize and was accepted. But it's going to cost me about $1500 and then a $1000 plane ticket though. It's all worth it. I want this so bad. It's going to help me get prepared for the Peace Corps! When I was accepted to that program back in May I knew this is what I wanted to do so I just started the application full force. Too bad two jobs, an internship, and classes got in the way. Oh summer life.
June 24: I turned in my actual Peace Corps application as well as submitted my Health form. So many questions, some I felt almost unsure but easy enough.
I'm so nervous, everything is just so... surreal. I've always wanted to be a part of a program such as the Peace Corps. Especially after I went on my Alternative Break this past December. It showed me where my true passion lies, in helping people. It's an experience I can't explain to you. Not completely altruistic, I do it because it does make me feel happy but still I think of all the people I have been able to help and can't help but smile. All the work and time put into each and every one of my projects have all been worth it and made the application process of the Peace Corps that much better. I'm so thankful the U.S.A has programs like this. THANK YOU JFK <3
July:
July 3: Getting a little nervous because my papers haven't been sent to my dad's ex wifes house. They should be here now at least with something.
July 8: Find out that my dads ex wife threw out ALL my paper work including the finger print cards and National Agency Check form. No bueno. Rush to call my Peace Corps contact in Atlanta to figure out how to log onto my tool kit and figure out what I can do to get my forms sent to me.
July 12th: Fix my e-mail to find that my recruiter, Steve Hunsicker, e-mailed me almost a week ago explaining all the files that I need to mail to him by July 15th before 5 pm or else I won't be able to go through with my application process. Also find out that my current employer/supervisor recommendation form didn't go through properly because on my application I submitted it as the General Manager and the supervisor that wrote my recommendation was a separate manager. Still trying to figure out how to change that on my application. I wish I had time to just sort out all of this stuff in person but nothing seems to be on my side today.
July 13th: Get my official FGCU transcripts sent to the Palm Beach Office so that they are aware that I'm not giving up that easy. E-mail Steve (again) submitting my Reference Label Sheet, Financial Notarized Letter, Financial Obligations essay, both skill addedums, unofficial trascript for now and my most recent updated resume. I will get everything I can submitted, I called Steve but the office doesn't seem to want to pick up my phone call, not cool.
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