INVITATION!!!!! FIJI!!!!

HELLOOOOO FIJI!!! 

  Or should I say Bula!! Can't believe it!! I'll be leaving September 4th for 27 months to Fiji!!! :) 

  The unfortunate part is that I am in Ghana still so I haven't actually received my invitation just a welcome packet, and job assignment!! I will be working as a Community Health Promotion Facilitator! Working with several different outreach programs with a long range of items to educate communities on! 

  Of course the over achiever in me has already looked up information from WHO, the Peace Corps Fiji Program Evaluation, and the Fiji Health Systems Review. Yea I'm awkward like that. The opportunities are endless! Can't believe I ended up in Fiji when I was so sure I'd be in Africa!! Everyone keeps telling me we've hit the Peace Corps lottery and I can't help but agree. Not only will this be a great experience but if I live in a more rural village, and when family arrive they can see both sides and still get an actual vacation out of it too!! Now I know since there are 8 weeks away something could happen to not go through but I'm hoping for the best!! 

  Just want to give a shout out to everyone who has been following or supporting me through this process! Thank you so much for everything :) can't wait to see what the next few years bring!! 

PLACEMENT OFFICER!!!!

Ahhhhhhhhhh omg!

I just received this email:

Hi,  

Greetings from the Peace Corps Placement Office.  My name is B and I am your Peace Corps Placement Officer. I believe that you are overseas now; however, I would like to arrange a time for a final interview for Peace Corps Suitability. Please let me know a number where you can be reached and a time this week (or next) when you are available to speak for 30min or so. I can call internationally, and am usually in the office from 8:30 AM EST through 5:30 PM or so.

  Please let me know if you have any questions or concerns.



Then we confirmed to talk Wednesday evening after I get done with my after school club I have here in Ghana!! Ohmygosh!! I'm so excited!! I'll keep you posted for more news!!!!

Anxiety

Officially Medically Cleared, 34 days until Ghana, 29 until Commencement... reality hits.

I am really doing all that I thought. I submitted my service learning hours, just the basic ones even though when I went through my service at FGCU I had well over 400- but I didn't have the time to drive over to every supervisor just to get them signed especially since my car isn't working. Haha this time my tire blew and unfortunately with Ghana to pay for and visa applications, vaccinations and malaria pills also clothes to pay for items for my car are the least of my worries.

It's all so real and it gets really scary. The start of something new, the idea of figuring out where I'm going in my life. I have all the emotions inside of me, ones that I've just started to even acknowledge, let alone try to understand them. I'm nervous about graduating. What if my GPA is too low? Over a 3.0 means you're "above average" but I've always thought of myself as an Exceeds Expectations kind of person. I've always been a "goody-two shoes" and have enjoyed my naivete in many of my paths throughout college, but am learning what it means to be "put together". Just because you're a mess on the inside doesn't mean you need to show it. I used to be good at that, but with all this pressure from family, friends, professors, mentors, advisers, Student Government, Housing (Resident Assistant stuff), boys, jobs, really just life in general, I'm more anxious than ever.

I'm anxious to leave for Ghana, but in an great way. To make a difference in the months that I'm there, to experience life in a completely different culture than I've ever experienced. I'm anxious about all this work I still have to do for my classes, it's extensive: a grant proposal, two research papers, two final exams, two presentations and a service project that I have no clue how I'm going to finish in time, 20 credits my senior semester wasn't my smartest move. I'm anxious to graduate, more so because it means I did it in four years and have a hell of a resume to show for it. I'm anxious to wonder if my dad is proud of me. I'm anxious to think about all the things I've been through in these past four years, what a way to live life. I'm anxious about where I'll be in 5 months. Will I be leaving for Africa again? Or will I be in D.C living with my best friend, figuring out what I can do to make a difference in the HIV/AIDS community there. I'm just a bit anxious about that.

I have been so privileged over my last four years. To have finally met my mother, to have met my two best friends that will be by my side until the day I die, to have met the most wonderful little sister I could've ever dreamed of, to have seen love, to have seen life, to have seen hard work and perseverance make a difference, I have been so honored to have served the students of my university, gosh I just can't explain it. I have lived my life in such a crazy pace, from my very first breath I never stopped going. I am blessed by God to know that I have been given and searched for the resources to make my dreams a reality.

This Peace Corps process, though daunting has been such an experience in itself. Learning patience, perseverance etc. I have learned more about who I am, and have pushed myself to be better. I still make mistakes but I acknowledge them and recognize when I am acting as a bad person would. But then again there are no bad people, just mistakes and insanity.

I am so proud to be a member of the Peace Corps Family and can not wait until I hear from my placement officer!! It will be an amazing experience to discuss all the things I might have the ability to do while I'm serving.

So privileged. So honored. So Anxious.

have a great month of April everyone :)

NOMINATED!!!!

So...
it's September 16th (though it's September 19th as I'm writing this) and I'm having lunch with my wonderful sorority owl pal (I'm in Chi Omega) and I get a voicemail pop up on my phone. I wasn't going to answer it but my owl pal went to the bathroom so I figured I'd call while she was away.

BOY WAS IT AMAZING NEWS!!! I had been so nervous for weeks that I wasn't going to get a nomination BUT I DID!! And I'm so excited, words can't express my amazement. Though there are stipulations that come with my nomination, I think that it's available for me to complete them in the time their requesting to make me the most competetive candidate for the Health Extension Program in Sub-Saharan Africa. My legal/health/dental clearance papers will come in the mail and once I submit them, with my newly revised resume and hopefuly 30 hours/3 months of experience working with members of the community living with HIV/AIDS I MIGHT BE INVITED!!!! (most PCV'ers don't get invited until February/March once they applied in July/August)

The really funny thing is that I DO believe the Interim Director for the "Center For Living" I worked with over the summer is going for the same program come May. I haven't talked to her in almost two months so I'm not sure but I'm excited to go visit and tell her all about it. I thought I was going to be able to go back to my internship as soon as school started but it's just been so crazy. The second that I think that I'm able to go "this friday" something always comes up :(

But I might switch internships anyway so that I can work towards a more personal relationship with members of the community living with HIV/AIDS. They asked that I get 30 hours or 3 months of more "experience" with the HIV/AIDS community. I have to make sure my CPR/AED certification is done before I resubmit my resume, as well as find a more counseling based internship/volunteer posibilities in the area.

I know it didn't really have that much to do with the HIV/AIDS community but my career & personal development advisor suggested I go through safe zone training to help make me a better candidate for internship possibilities in the future assisting with members of the community living with HIV/AIDS. I'm hoping it will so that I can work on a closer basis.

I am truly passionate about HIV/AIDS awareness! It all started with my biology of human sexuality class (though I didn't pass it the first time). I gained the ability to discuss the subjects comforatbly. Then came the SigEp philanthrophy and the processes behind fund raising for Youth Aids Awareness. I have always had a sincere passion for children, and through SigEp my love for the members of the community living with HIV/AIDS increased even more. Then after I was contacted about a possible internship working at an HIV & AIDS clinic in a town 20/30 minutes north of my place. I was excited and anticipated that the internship would really make me have a relationship with many of the patients that came in. During the summer I wasn't able to get as much experience as I had hoped so that is why now I'm looking to work for a non-profit where I can personally assist the members of the community living with HIV/AIDS, not just file papers and clean floors. Though I'll admit I will never forget my experience at that internship, I hope that it was a wonderful foundation for a future experience at another non-profit.

So until next time! BYYEEE!

My interview

So... after all that trouble my adventure continues with the tenacity I brought to drive and have my interview the next week after I turned everything in. I was determined to have it in July, I needed them to understand how willing I was to do anything to make this come true.

I had my interview Tuesday July 26th.

I drove 3 hours to Palm Beach Gardens from Fort Myers just so I could make sure this happened. I've never given up so much for one event: I've done it for jobs and for positions in Student Government but for one event... not so much. I've never wanted something so much. I'm willing to do what ever it takes. Peace Corps makes sense. It's rare that I even say that.

I've felt so lost lately. Nothing makes sense. Being a lawyer seems to power hungry and not me at all. Social worker doesn't create the idea that I'm reaching my potential. Sex education and consultants feels wrong and more like work instead of something I could wake up every morning and be happy to be a part of. I'm just... so confused. I hate that I can't find my path. I've been reading the Alchemist lately and I feel so connected to the character. Perhaps looking something that's right in front of me and maybe I know what it is but maybe I don't want to admit that it's my calling. I hate that. I hate the double standard that I create for myself. Why do I consistently do this?

Oh but such is life. One must keep moving forward and recognize that things will be all right if one is to think positive. But onto my adventure of the Peace Corps interview.

So of course there are your basic questions they ask... why, how, why you? I felt so lost for a bit. As if I haven't done enough to stand out and make myself seem like a productive part of society. I've given back and done a lot but it doesn't mean that my resume and presentation of self compares to the mind blowing works of some of the other students that have applied. I just... I don't know what to do anymore. He told me that September is when he can really provide me with any information. So that was the gist of the interview, nothing too crazy. I love how PCVers always gush about their time away. That's what makes everything worth it. All this crazyness I'm going through to be a part of the Peace Corps is worth every word that comes out of the previous PCV'ers. AHHHHHH!!!

I've done all the research but it doesn't mean that it will make this go any faster. I want this. I can feel this. I can taste everything that it could bring. But it doesn't mean it'll happen. I've given so much to other things in my life but I've been hindered by someone I used to be and by what others have labeled me as. That's life and I get that, but it doesn't mean that I haven't worked hard enough to be a part of the program but because of the drama of girls and government I'm unable to receive the position.

Ugh. I'm so upset about it and I don't even want to admit it, and it's created this self doubt worse than ever before. The idea of failure haunts me with every second I stay at my school. Every minute I make a mistake or tell a white lie or am not true to myself, I create this shadow that provides my mind with every negative thought I can possibly conceive.

The Peace Corps is so important to me because it's not running away from something it's running towards something. A life that means something, that makes me feel like I've done something in my life, because I think that I can make the difference and be a part of the generation that creates a positive image of America. Gosh there are so many reasons that I want to be a part of the Peace Corps. I think this is what makes or breaks a person and this is where I can reveal my personal legend. I have a passion of making a difference but am so scared of my destiny, where it leads to.

Have you ever felt alone in a room full of people? Have you ever felt that you aren't doing enough though you don't even have time to sleep a full night? Do you feel guilty that you've had a couple days off or when you've lied to have a night/day off of an event or meeting. Every time I do but I remember that I'm still in college and that this is the place to make mistakes and change the kinks in who I am. I love myself and what I want out of life, but where my life leads is so out of place for me. When I think about the Peace Corps I am confident in that direction because it makes sense to me. Americorps and TFA only appeal in my skills not necessarily to me as a person.


Oh Peace Corps. Why do you tempt me so?
I just want to go.
But will I ever?

Starting out...

So I'm a little behind on the blogging process but I'm starting now so that's all that matters.

May:

May 9: E-mail the "E-mail Your Recruiter" and ask about loan deferments for students applying with lots of student loans.

May 13: Get a reply from the office in Atlanta expressing that, "Each loan agency has different policies for loan deferment and different documents that must be completed. You will need to contact your particular loan agencies to find out the exact documents you must fill out." Okay that doesn't do me too much good considering that even though FAFSA has a loan deferment Peace Corps Application, who knows if I'll get it seeing as I have a lot of student loans.

May (general): Search through the Masters International research and grad school programs. There a lot I'd love to try but I'm nervous. I'm not sure I'm ready for Grad School just yet, plus I'd love to do something with health education but I'm only a Psychology Major (Political Science Minor/IDS Minor) I'm hoping my Psych major can help with anything I want to do health related since at least it's mental health.

Still trying to figure out if I'm 100% a go for the Peace Corps right after college (if I'm accepted). I want to apply. It's always been my dream to be a part of something like this, but I'm scared. I've dealt with a lot of rejection lately, can I go through it again? What if they say I'm not good enough. What if even after I "beef up" my resume they still say it's not enough. There's only so much I can do in a year to show the Peace Corps that this is what I want.

June:

Early June: Started my application just to look it over. It's not too bad, but it's a lot of remembering of things I've done in the past which I'll admit sometimes I'm not too good at. Hopefully my resume is all right, I've done a lot of community service work but no international service yet. Luckily I applied for a volunteer program in Belize and was accepted. But it's going to cost me about $1500 and then a $1000 plane ticket though. It's all worth it. I want this so bad. It's going to help me get prepared for the Peace Corps! When I was accepted to that program back in May I knew this is what I wanted to do so I just started the application full force. Too bad two jobs, an internship, and classes got in the way. Oh summer life.

June 24: I turned in my actual Peace Corps application as well as submitted my Health form. So many questions, some I felt almost unsure but easy enough.

I'm so nervous, everything is just so... surreal. I've always wanted to be a part of a program such as the Peace Corps. Especially after I went on my Alternative Break this past December. It showed me where my true passion lies, in helping people. It's an experience I can't explain to you. Not completely altruistic, I do it because it does make me feel happy but still I think of all the people I have been able to help and can't help but smile. All the work and time put into each and every one of my projects have all been worth it and made the application process of the Peace Corps that much better. I'm so thankful the U.S.A has programs like this. THANK YOU JFK <3

July:
July 3: Getting a little nervous because my papers haven't been sent to my dad's ex wifes house. They should be here now at least with something.

July 8: Find out that my dads ex wife threw out ALL my paper work including the finger print cards and National Agency Check form. No bueno. Rush to call my Peace Corps contact in Atlanta to figure out how to log onto my tool kit and figure out what I can do to get my forms sent to me.

July 12th: Fix my e-mail to find that my recruiter, Steve Hunsicker, e-mailed me almost a week ago explaining all the files that I need to mail to him by July 15th before 5 pm or else I won't be able to go through with my application process. Also find out that my current employer/supervisor recommendation form didn't go through properly because on my application I submitted it as the General Manager and the supervisor that wrote my recommendation was a separate manager. Still trying to figure out how to change that on my application. I wish I had time to just sort out all of this stuff in person but nothing seems to be on my side today.

July 13th: Get my official FGCU transcripts sent to the Palm Beach Office so that they are aware that I'm not giving up that easy. E-mail Steve (again) submitting my Reference Label Sheet, Financial Notarized Letter, Financial Obligations essay, both skill addedums, unofficial trascript for now and my most recent updated resume. I will get everything I can submitted, I called Steve but the office doesn't seem to want to pick up my phone call, not cool.